What About Your Friends?

Lately and now, more than ever, people are questioning who their true friends are. What does a true friendship consist of? What boundaries exist when it comes to friends? How can I distinguish the genuine from the counterfeit?

Everyone has heard the saying, "Friends come into your life for a reason, season or a lifetime." Blah, blah, blah. Why would I consider anyone who is in my life for a reason or season to be a true friend?

Scenario: We meet through a mutual friend, at a social gathering, and we hit it off. We begin emailing, texting and meeting each other for drinks and such. All the while, not including the friend through which we met. While you and I hang out, we laugh, gossip and talk trash about this friend. Now, we no longer associate with this friend because our gossip has forced us to distance ourselves. What we've done is built a faux friendship based on our dislike or envy for the person who each of us considered a friend. The reason for this friendship is to make ourselves feel better about our issues, by intentionally alienating others.

Scenario: We meet at our place of employment. We spend eight to nine hours a day together, it's almost natural that our professional relationship progresses into a friendship. We grasp at things we may have in common, unlike anyone else in the office. Some evenings after working late, we go for a drink or for dinner. Eventually, our after work functions spill over into weekends, vacations and any other social event we come up with. Now, problems at work start causing a strain on your pseudo friendship. One or both of you leave, whether it be by force or voluntarily. The season for this friendship has come to an end. In very rare situations, these friendships may last, but that's only after multiple tests of said friendships have been passed.

Scenario: We met when we were in elementary or middle school, went to the same church and had all of the same circle of friends. We separated for our college years, but we always find our way back to each other. Weeks, even months pass without us being in contact, however, when we do get in touch, it seems as if no time has passed. We never gossip behind each other's backs, anything we have to say, we say to you. True friends know the truth isn't always sweet or what we want to hear, but they'll tell us because it's what we need to hear. When we make mistakes, our friends are there to help us back up and cheer us on while we learn from these mistakes. These friends are for a lifetime.

True frienship is easy and natural. It doesn't have to be worked on like a relationship between a man and a woman. It's not tested by childish games. Jealousy does not exist in true friendship, but genuine happiness for successes do. A true friend does not hate, but admires. Relationships, men or other women cannot come between true friends. If you're in a committed relationship, a true friend won't tell you to leave your significant other or tell you to cheat on them. They don't condone your being unfaithful and will tell you so. If asked advice or for their opinion on your relationship, a true friend will give it willingly and won't take it personal if and when you don't take heed to it. A true friend knows your deepest secrets, shames and regrets and still loves you in spite of them. True friendship is not judgemental or conditional but understanding.

Whatever category the people you surround yourself with fall into, pay attention to the signs. When they reveal their true selves, you will know whether they are in your life for a reason, season or a lifetime. Not everyone is blessed with true friends, so when you are lucky enough to realize who your true friends are, cherish and love them. They are angels in disguise...

"A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and excepts you just the way you are" ~unknown

This post is dedicated to my true friends, who support me in trying times and cheer me on during good times.